Whatt?

Somehow I made it to 24lbs.

I'm not sure when.... but it happened. 

So, I'm taking it and continuing on this journey.  I don't care how long it takes me.  I've got this.

A catch Up

Ok, I suck at blogging.

Second, I suck at working out.

However, I'm still losing.  Somehow, I reached 21 lbs down.  Go figure.  I tried on a pair of pants today that have been way too small since they were bought and lets just say they were too big for me to wear now.  When did that happen?!

A good friend told me that it's ok if I lose weight slow, or at my own pace.  I am finding this is really the only way for me to do it.  I'm not dieting.  I'm not crash dieting or picking up any kind of work out with the words insanity or X in it.  Cuz those things would make me want to die.  That's just not realistic for me.  What is realistic for me is eating that piece of cake.  But instead of eating it once every couple of days, I eat it once a month.  I have a splurge.

It's realistic for me to up my protein and decrease my processed foods.  I have really been trying to eat more organic, more clean.  Apparently I love egg whites.  So I try to incorporate those in my diet when I can.  I'm drinking more hot tea, less coffee.  Mainly because coffee makes me want something sweet, like a scone, cookie, or pound cake to go with it.  Tea makes me want eggs.  Lol, it's all in the mind.

I remember attempting this journey a few years back.  I had some really close friends that were also going to blog and lose weight with me and try to get healthier.  I remember them pressuring me and telling me I wasn't losing weight fast enough.  I was ridiculed.  I felt so embarrassed.  Mainly because I trusted people I should not have trusted, especially with something so vulnerable.  We aren't friends any more and I haven't spoken to those girls since it all went down years ago, but it did leave an impression on me.  It's funny how God puts people in your lives to do that.  Right now I have the best group of friends I could ask for.  I'm supported, up lifted, and loved.  It makes me want to be a better person.  Isn't it funny how when you are surrounded by good, you want to be good?

Climbing back on

So, I kind of fell of the ladder.  The truck?  The bandwagon?  Ugh, what is it exactly you fall off of?

Anywho, I gained back like 4 lbs.  Which is pretty darn easy to do I've learned!!  So, take this as a bit of vulnerability mixed in with a bit of honesty and admittance, it is NOT easy to go on this journey.  It's not.  But I keep reminding myself that this isn't a race.  I keep reminding myself that I am not in competition with anyone.  And with that being said, I'm still happy with my progress and the lifestyle changes I have made.

So, this morning I got up and walked over a mile with Bella.  The cold felt good.  And the walk was nice.  It was the start to a day where I will make more healthy decisions and not give up.  No, I'm still going to conquer this.

I hated yo-yos as a kid

I weighed myself today and gained a pound.  I'm not happy about that.

I think a lot of it had to do with the soy sauce that went with my sushi lastnight.  It was a veggie roll so I'm not worried about that, but the sodium might not have helped.

I am an extremely impatient person.  And I can't be that way with this.  I really need to stop weighing myself so much.  But that instant gratification really gets me pumped.  So, I go back and forth.

This is going to be an extremely long process and I think a part of my mind is still comprehending that.  They say that the more weight you have to lose, you will start off pretty fast in dropping it.  But then you can hit a plateau and it will really become frustrating.  I'm trying to avoid that feeling.

So, on to another day.  Tomorrow is my 5am workout with Term and we are doing arms.  It's gonna be a long day as my brother has a performance tomorrow night that I gotta be there for.  I'm really hoping I don't ingest too many liquid calories tomorrow night.  Fingers crossed.

Week 4 - A quarter of the way in

Oh Lord, does it hurt!

This poster about sums up how I feel.  I'm down to 13lbs and I'm even starting to see it myself.  I can see my curves becoming tighter and my pants becoming loser.  It feels good.  But don't be misconceived, that cupcake still looks good too.

I baked an awesome cake this weekend.  Chocolate syrup cake with a homemade buttercream.  I gave the WHOLE thing away. It felt good to bake, it felt even better not to eat it.  I also made about 50 peanut butter and jelly chocolate cups with a nice sea salt topping.  I gave ALL of them away too.  I didn't even eat one.  That was rough.  It makes me wonder if I do ever open up my own bakery, will I really be able to give everything away without eating it, LOL?

I worked it out on the treadmill this weekend.  I did an 8 incline for about 45 minutes.  It.Was.Rough.  I even took a picture of myself afterwards.  I defintely worked up a sweat and a beet red face.  I was going to post on here, but my iphone also crashed this weekend and I lost a ton of stuff (hmm - maybe it was a sign not to post the picture!).  I didn't make my 5am workout this morning.  I also sliced my thumb in making the cake and well, working out and grabbing weights didn't sound too pleasant.  But, not to fret... I rescheduled for 5am tomorrow.  And Term is going to town on legs, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

I went out to eat this past weekend.  Had 1 chip.  Had 1 cheesetick.  Had 1 beer.  It's all about moderation. I had grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner.  So, the healthy decisions are starting to truly become a habit.  I found a recipe on Pinterest for frozen mint chocolate chip icecream.  I am a mint choc NUT.  Apparently, they make vanilla chocolate chunk greek yogurt now by Chobani.  I'm curious to try it.  Drop in a few drops of peppermint extract and freeze for a few hours and bam - you have frozen yogurt.  So, I'm goin to see how this works soon.  But I gotta find the yogurt first.

On to another week :)

Greener Grass

If we take it a day at a time through a weight loss journey, the days add up and eventually turn into weeks which then turn into months which eventually turn into a year.  

I'm only 3 weeks in, but I'm still taking this a day at a time.  And those days have turned into 3 weeks which has turned into 12.2 lbs down.  :) That's exciting.

I was talking to my brother last night and he asked me "Is it starting to get easier for you"?  I didn't hesitate when I said, "Nope".  Because it's not.  It's simply becoming part of my routine.  But waking up at 5am to be murdered in the gym isn't something I think I will ever embrace.  I told him, "You know, I just don't think I will ever be one of those people that are like, 'I'm so pissed off.... let me go run a mile!'  No, I'm gonna be one of those people that says, 'I'm so pissed off, let me go bake some awesome cupcakes'".  We both laughed, because that concept even sounds funny coming out of my mouth.  I'm pissed, so let me go ride 5 miles on my bike.  No, that's just not how my mind works.  It's not who I am.  Maybe in a couple months I will feel different and read this blog and see that I do use exercise to release stress, but as for now, I just don't see it happening.  
Someone at work told me today that it's harder to gain weight then it is to lose it.  Well, I about lost it in return.  He was put on a 6,000 calorie a day diet to try and bulk up for training because he is active in racing I think.  6,000 calories a day.  He said he would get woken up at 3:30am to his trainer giving him celery and massive amounts of peanut butter.  Then he would have 2 family size frozen spaghetti meals for dinner.  Sheesh.  Yea, I could see where eating my brains out would suck.  Ummm.  That doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth either.  

Why is the grass always greener on the other side?  No matter what your problems are, someone has it worse then you.  But why does it feel like the grass is always greener?

Some Hard Stuff

I swear, this is some hard stuff.  Anyone that said losing weight and becoming a healthier person was easy - they lied.  Or else they had mono or something that dramatically helped them lose a ton of weight...jussayin.

Things are going constant.  I missed my Monday appointment with Term, but I made up for it Tuesday.  He made up for it as well.  We did arm exercises.  My arms today are like jello.  But, a friend told me to start poppin amino acid vitamins, said they would help with muscle repair and soreness.  Oh thank heavens for that.  I started taking them twice a day over the weekend and I noticed today that I am not as sore as I thought I would be.  As this point, the soreness is just soreness, it's not excruciating pain.  So, I don't mind the reminder that I busted ass in the gym.  It's the not being able to sit down to pee because my legs hurt too bad that I could do without.  

Between the working out and the 1,360 calorie a day diet, it hasn't been the easiest thing.  I cheated yesterday. The owner of my office ordered pizza from a great local pizza joint for lunch.  There was no way I was going to be able to pull that off.  So, remembering that I had a protein shake for breakfast and was making a healthy dinner, I knew a slice (ok, I had 2!!!) wouldn't kill me.  But I ripped off the crust (and a little more) and then blotted the hell out of that thing.  No extra grease needed, thank you.  

I weighed myself Sunday and I am down 10lbs so far.  So, I'm giving myself the 10lb star.  I'm not sure if the pizza ruined it or not, but I'm not weighing myself to find out.  I have a few days to recover.  

Oh, and speaking of protein shakes.  I've been having a blast coming up with ones that I like.  So far my favorite is a scoop of vanilla powder with a frozen banana, ice, water, and a tsp of chocolate syrup.  Someone told me to use cocoa powder instead of the syrup, so I'm gonna try that next.  I added chia seeds in it for extra fiber and such, yea - that takes some getting used to.  They get kind of jelly like when they get cold.  And since I'm a texture person, it kind of freaked me out a little.  But well, it's all in the head.  

So, that's where I'm at now.  We are now into week 3.  9 more weeks to go with Term and let's hope a lot more weight to lose.  

Valentine Calories

Well, I made it through Valentine's!  And I didn't do too bad. A special someone took me out to a really nice seafood dinner.  And bought me this cookie cake.  It was sweet.

I only ate a piece of the cookie cake and gave the rest to my mother for her to take to her office.  That was will power.  That thing with a cup of coffee... Mmmm.

I also didn't eat all my dinner.  It's amazing to me how I am literally aware of everything I put in my mouth.  I'm not there yet, but I know I have made some progress mentally in this diet.  It really has to be a life style change and less of a "diet".  I need to work out more.  I need to incorporate a little more cardio into this whole thing.

I made the 5am workout this morning. We did legs.  I rocked it.  I am not even sore.  I am getting proud of myself.  The workouts are becoming a little easier.  It's so hard to reach the leveling out stage though.  The first 10 or 15 minutes on the treadmill kill me.  I literally think of about 3,429 excuses as to why I should get off.  But then I level out and it doesn't become so bad.  I have recently discovered Netflix.  I know, I'm late. But my Nook allows me to watch movies and such while on the treadmill.  That has really helped.  I've noticed that I need something visually to keep me focused more so then audio.  Music is great and it does keep me pumped, but I end up closing my eyes and just trying to find my flow.  Otherwise I stare at the clock.  See, I'm still learning this whole healthy life thing.  But, I'm welcoming the lessons.

That One Thing

I weighed this morning.  Only lost .4 lb.  Which is actually pretty good.  When I saw that on the scale, I immediately felt discouraged.  But then I remembered this picture.  It does make me cringe that there are numerous, numerous pounds of that lardy lookin stuff in my body.  So, to say only .4 lb, well... it's still a pretty big deal.

I stopped by Starbucks this morning.  It was my first coffee in over a week.  I was having a craving.  I love the new vanilla spice lattes.  But instead of a grande, I got a tall.  And I got it with nonfat milk.  And I didn't get any whipped cream.  And instead of 3 pumps (which is standard) of the vanilla spice syrup, I only got 2.  It took my normal 270 calorie latte down to under 150.  And it still taste fantastic.

It's about making better decisions and being more conscious of what we put in our mouth.  I'm still going to want coffee.  But I didn't get the chocolate spice cake. THAT was rough.  But, on my next cheat day, I'll have a slice.  I remember reading once that if you just make one cut out for the day, it will add up tremendously   If you just substitute one veggie for a carb or if you only eat half of what you want, or an apple for fries, it will add up and it will become a habit.  So, what is the one thing you will do today?

This.actually.happened.

I have to share this...

So last night I got a pedicure and a manicure.  I know, best part of my day.  I had already had an extremely long workout yesterday morning.  It was probably my hardest one to date (in more ways then one)... I'll share that in a later blog... But being up at 4am and getting out of the nail shop at 8pm had already made for a long day.

Anyways, I digress, I got my nails done and my manicurist took me to the chairs for drying.  She has 4 post metal leg chairs, kind of like a bar stool with a high back.  You ready for this.

I...

.... I still can't say it.

I.  Broke.  The.  Chair.

Yes.  That happened.  I sat in the chair and felt the legs go from a straight line to a slight 45° angle from the floor.  Yes.  I felt the chair slide with my butt and bend to the side.  I bent it.  All of a sudden I hear, "Courtney, no!".  Poor girl was scared I was going to fall out the chair.  I get up because I can feel it not feeling right and .... I see the damage.

Talk about a shot to your pride.  Now those that have met me know, I'm not huge.  I'm far from breaking chair material.  But geez.  I told my 18 year old cousin.  His response, "Damn chair must have been defective".  I love him.

But yes, I broke the chair.  And I broke a part of my pride.  So RIP cheap chair.  R.I.P.

Week 1 - An Intro and a catch up

Well, one week down, and 11 more to go.  I got a personal trainer, aka, the terminator, for the next 12 weeks.  Well, 11 weeks now.  I call him Term.  Real names should be protected in the making of this blog.

For the past week, Term has kicked my gluteus maximus in more then one area.  We started off with arms in our first workout.  Seriously, the following morning, I had thought I slept on my arms the entire night by the pain I was having.  No, not the case.  It was pain that was supposed to be there to solidify that I practically killed myself the morning before.  Then we did legs.  Yea, that was easier... <sarcasm>.  I meet with Term at 5am on Mondays and Fridays.  Cardio takes over on Wednesday and Saturdays.  Combine this with a 1,360 calorie diet, and welcome to my life for the next 11 weeks.

I will say in all seriousness, this is the hardest thing I have ever done.  The Lord above did not make me to be on a 1,360 calorie diet.  Have you seen my cupcakes?  Have you seen my cookie bars?  My pinterest alone is crazy.  But instead of being overwhelmed with baking goods, I now have a new training eats board and a new losing weight board.  (Feel free to follow me, Crtnybee15).  So, it looks as if my life's focus has to shift.  How does one go from eating with their eyes and desires to eating with what they need instead?  That's been my biggest obstacle.  I have to stop eating with my eyes and start eating with my brain.

There is a guy I work with, in his 20s, that amazes me.  He's this skinny lil dude.  But everyday, I am amazed to see what he is bringing in to work.  Breakfast usually starts with a 20 oz coke, and either McDonald's or Krispy Kreme.  Sometimes it's a donut from 7-11.  Sometimes it's all the above.  And he weighs about a buck fifty soaking wet.  True story.  Now, what in the world?! How is that fair?!  Just typing McDonald's, Krispy Kreme, and donuts makes me gain 5 lbs!  Oh life, your sense of humor makes me smile.

But, I have lost 7 lbs in the first week.  Yesterday began week 2.  I weigh every Monday.  What's that?  You want to know how much I weigh?  Yes...well, I want to eat a scone and a starbucks for breakfast right now.  :) So, we will compromise and say maybe one day within this 11 week venture, I will spill the magic number.  But for now, that number is 7 lbs less then it was last week.